Insomnia

6 Nov

Photo 268
1:20am we turn off the light. Bridget falls asleep as easily as one might slip into a pair of pajamas. She has this thing where her body kinda twitches as she enters a dream. Her fingers will flex, her legs will jerk then she is still.

Outside big gobs of rain.

2am and I try and lay still as not to disturb her. I count to ten, giving each number a virtue that i want to cultivate in myself.

1 peace
2 compassion
3 wisdom
4 discipline
5…

I think about a movie I want to see ( Anti-Christ)
I think about the fact that this was the first year since my father passed away that the anniversary of his death came and went without me noticing. I wonder what that means. I think about telling my self 8 years ago that there would be a time when such forgetfulness was even possible.

I hold my hand against the weak light and look at the shape.

3am and wonder start to whisper to myself

3:30am and Bridget snuggles and her hot breath feels nice

4am I yawn and take this as a sign I could possibly fall asleep

8:20am the alarm goes off and wonder when I fell asleep

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